header.gif

Living in hope

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Itís been two months since Iíve made an important decision in my life. One that Iíve been wanting to write about on my blog for at least a month, but have been dreading it a little bit. Alessandro and I have decided to get a divorce. The fact that Iíve kept it in for so long has only made it more difficult for me to write anything else for my blog. Iíve had so much to say, but felt blocked by keeping this piece of my life a secret. At first, I wanted to make sure all my close friends and family knew, but that hasnít been possible because many of my friends are either busy or out of town.

Iím sure many people will probably be surprised (even some of my friends) because I am extremely private about my relationships. I donít like to talk about any issues I might have in my couple and out of respect, I keep all of that to myself. I am, however, extremely open when it comes to my own life. I make no excuses, have no regrets, and am not ashamed of anything Iíve done.

I have often fallen in love with someone else, which precipitates my ending a relationship; however, this time there is no one in the wings waiting for me. I didnít fall in love with anyone else. I decided to choose myself over my marriage. I have been feeling a pull for the last two years to be alone. As a writer, being alone is vital for me. I need more time to be with my thoughts, to feel things deeply, and to express myself as I see fit. I donít like looking over my shoulder to make sure that Iím not overstepping a line.

I have been married for the last eleven years with two different men, and I think I finally realized that no matter how much I may love someone, marriage is a bit too restrictive for me especially for how I changed to keep it together. I try my hardest to make things work in my marriage(s). Unfortunately, in doing so, I set aside parts of myself that have now returned with a vengeance. I thought I was not OK to be who I truly am so I could fit into my relationships better, but now I see that I have to be fully myself and be with someone who can appreciate me as much as I now appreciate myself. I thought that it was necessary to hide the ďnegativeĒ (or rather less desired by the other person) aspects of myself to keep my marriage alive, but now I have learned that any relationship that asks me to be less than who I am or alter any aspect of myself is not good for me.

I have also decided to now live in hope instead of despair. I prefer to be free of all ties (even though itís scary and lonely) and hope for a new relationship with another man than worry that I canít get my relationship to become what Iíd like.

I will be staying in my apartment above the Arno and, of course, will not move out of my beloved city. Florence is a great force that has nudged me to fully embrace who I am and to see who I can become. It reminds me every day to drop down into the silence and listen to my heart speak to me. My heart wants to be free to give and receive love, to express myself, and to fulfill my purpose in life.

Life is definitely an adventure that one must go on with an open heart. I am fortunate to have friends with whom I can open up to and talk with honestly. A few helped me out in my darkest hour when I thought there was no hope in sight. They reminded me that even behind the darkest clouds, the sun is always shining.

Now that I have finally written this post, I feel as if a great weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am an extremely open person and hate hiding anything. I am happy to feel so liberated that Iím able to express myself once again honestly and fully in my writing.

My priorities have shifted greatly these last few months. My desire now is to adjust myself to this big change, recreate the life I desire, focus on my writing projects, write with an open heart, and appreciate all the people and events that enter my life. I am very appreciative to all my blog buddies who constantly remind me that kindness can be found everywhere. I am honored for your presence in my life. Just knowing that there are people out there who appreciate what I write and capture in my photos brings me great joy.

On this beautiful and sunny morning in Paris, I feel that life has begun anew for me. Hope is buzzing in the air and joy is within reach. May your day also be filled with as much hope, joy, and love that you can imagine and desire.

If you have any comments, please share them on the Living in Florence's FaceBook page. Grazie!

June 2012
SuM TW ThF Sa
12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Archives

December 2014

November 2014

October 2014

September 2014

August 2014

July 2014

June 2014

May 2014

April 2014

March 2014

February 2014

January 2014

December 2013

November 2013

October 2013

September 2013

August 2013

July 2013

June 2013

May 2013

April 2013

March 2013

February 2013

January 2013

December 2012

November 2012

October 2012

September 2012

August 2012

July 2012

June 2012

May 2012

April 2012

March 2012

February 2012

January 2012

December 2011

November 2011

October 2011

September 2011

August 2011

July 2011

June 2011

May 2011

April 2011

March 2011

February 2011

January 2011

December 2010

November 2010

October 2010

September 2010

August 2010

July 2010

June 2010

May 2010

April 2010

March 2010

February 2010

January 2010

December 2009

November 2009

October 2009

September 2009

August 2009

July 2009

June 2009

May 2009

April 2009

March 2009

February 2009

January 2009

December 2008

November 2008

October 2008

September 2008

August 2008

July 2008

June 2008

May 2008

April 2008

March 2008

February 2008

January 2008

December 2007

November 2007

October 2007

September 2007

August 2007

July 2007

June 2007

May 2007

April 2007

March 2007

February 2007

January 2007

December 2006

November 2006

October 2006

September 2006

August 2006

July 2006

June 2006

May 2006

April 2006

March 2006

February 2006

January 2006

December 2005

November 2005

October 2005

September 2005

August 2005

July 2005

June 2005

May 2005

April 2005

March 2005

February 2005

January 2005

December 2004

November 2004

Travel Blogs